Read this review for a clit sucker and then go buy yourself one:
Having read every review on the planet, I had high expectations, but at under 50 dollars you can’t really complain if it sucks. A couple of buddies of mine tried it recently and told me how intensely powerful it is.
He’d told me to take the day off, hydrate and, most importantly, stretch. I thought a sausage. I thought: Dude, that shit sounds like drama queen!
It arrived in less than 2 days, so it’s got a leg up out of the gate. Plays it cool, opens the discretely boxed… 2.5 hour charge time Okaaaaay, not terrible, plug this little bastad in.
‘with the kids in school waiting for it to charge, bored, killing time reading some smut my friend and fellow queenie suggested steamedbybentley in case i don’t want to screw around waiting to be in the mood, already sounds like a plan.
I need to get my kids in like 2 dozen hours and I gotta be out the door when it’s done, chargin. Tik tok hoe, tik tok welcome to motherhood. “Patience” me ? Biotch checkin to see if them lights stop flashin every 10 minutes like a crackhead waitin on his connect.
‘After only and hour and a half, solid pink light.
‘Game on.
I fiddled around with the buttons on my mitt to see how this little work of art felt.The pulsations at the g spot are very strong, I very pleased with it even before use.
‘Next is suction. Multiple levels so interesting to see the different patterns and intensity. There are 10 levels for clitoral and 10 patterns for g spot.I have not tried a clit suction type stimulator before so had nothing to compare it to but had been looking forward to it all the same.
‘Time to solo party.
I guess I positioned the clit a bit too low for my torso type, every min I spent twiddling the controls was a period of blank boredom.
‘But it’s like any new toy, you have to feel your way around. Turned the clit one on low. Could barely even feel it. Not lined up 100 per cent anyway, so basic me decided to go from zero to 60 in 3.5.
I cranked the suction one all the way to 5 or 6, and i pushed the g spot button too. And then i went back and fiddled with the suction placement a little bit.Basically, I think I blacked out because I’m pretty sure I’m not capable of making 10 decisions in a row.
‘My legs went straight out like those goats who faint when scared.
‘ I never came so fast and so hard in my life . I squirted, i have NEVER DONE THAT ( luckily i put a towel down cause i hate wet spots)
I swatted desperately at the off button but managed only to franticly mash it, sending the thing into even more powerful suction and now pulsing from the g spot vibrator. I came, again. I’m sure I levitated. I came and came and came and came and came and came and came.
It left my body this time, kiss my ass you fkin bitch god himself i swear said “child, it’s not your time, get yoself back to yoself lil pink light” (im agnostic FFS)
I seem to have successfully sent my astral body hurtling through the air as I throw it off my body and over my bed. It lands on the floor still singing enthusiastically.
I shook for about five min, i couldnt of gotten up off bed if even wanted to, i looked at my ceiling blankly trying to remember ‘Who am i? What year is this?
I am up cleaning up and realize in my seizure cumming I hurt my hip n back. Still limping 4 hours later I didn’t stretch.
‘There you go, came through and then some. Hydrate. Don’t have to make decisions or do brain work the rest of the day. Oh, and for God’s s
